If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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