I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
