no, he came in my armpit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My legs feel like baby dolphins
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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