Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
