oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
