i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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