he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
