We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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