Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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