I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
