Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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