Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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