I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
