here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
