you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
