We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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