His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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