Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
