She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize