roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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