I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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