paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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