What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
