it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
