My first STD was from a foam party
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize