I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
