I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
