Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I met the friendliest cop last night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
