do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
