seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize