did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
