Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
