You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
