Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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