Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just gargled with NyQuil
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
