I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
