I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
