I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
