Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
