Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
