well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
