too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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