my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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