Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
