Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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