if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
