She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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