I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
