i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
