Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
