I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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