Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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