Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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