I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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