fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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