Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
