Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They have beer where we have blood.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
