There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
