to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize