I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
