i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize