I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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