I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Are we still banned from the library?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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