My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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