update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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