peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
