I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
