There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If I die, sorry about rent.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
