No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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