if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
